Obsessions are strange spiders, building webs I cannot see. Caught, and thinking I’m free. Bought, but thinking I’m me.
Yeah, so I spent the last 2 days trying to get a certain not-to-be-mentioned underground copy of Windows XP to install on one of my machines, an old one (6 years old). A strange thing to get obsessed with, don’t you think? It was a ‘productive’ experience, in that I learned quite a bit more than I’d planned. But who am I fooling? Why did I even bother with it, install after install, tweak, fix, research, script, DOS, install, etc.. for 10 hours or so? I had a perfectly good OS to put back in place, but I persisted with the one that wouldn’t work. I gave up other projects, like Joomla, website content, relearning CSS, getting more familiar with Ubuntu, etc.. for a few days, just to focus on this one thing. I got less exercise, I read less, I thought less, and now I feel like shit really. Burnt out.
I have some idea that I’m going to go back into computer consulting full time, and that’s my excuse for endless tinkering, though dimly, in the back of my mind, I remember that this is why I gave it up a couple of years ago: I’m too able to slip out of time and into software. Besides, I don’t want to be a great jack-of-all-trades computer guy. It is boring in the end. Well, not boring, but its not satisfying to my soul or self. Putting checks in the bank ATM yesterday was satisfying though. What do I want, and how do I stay on track to get there? Another boring question, but personally I need to ask it on the hour, every hour.
Washed out,
GF
